Marriage: Roles of Men and Women in Marriage
Review last week
I think the important thing to remember about men is that they are intended to initiate–to be the first one to make a move (recall scripture).ÿ By that I don’t mean that the man is intended to initiate the first date or something stupid like that.ÿ What I mean is that men are happiest when they are initiating personal contact with another human.ÿ Adam was lonely so God gave him another human to reach out to. But a man is happiest when he is reaching out to another human, male or female, and saying, “I need you.ÿ Let’s talk.ÿ Let’s relate.”ÿ That’s the kind of initiation we’re talking about here. And we also looked at the fact that what we see is almost just the opposite.ÿ We see men running away from human contactÿ.ÿ.ÿ. Cindy talks about womenÿ.ÿ.ÿ.
We need each other (Gen. 1; I Cor. 12)
Buck describes Gen. 1:26, 27
How does it say here that God created humankind? First it says that he created man in the image of God. Now, what else does it say about humans?ÿ Male and female. Image of Godÿ.ÿ.ÿ. male and female.ÿ The image of God is male and female. Here’s the point: If a human is going to be what God originally intended, you can’t ignore the other half.ÿ The other half of God’s image–whatever it is that God wants us to be–is embodied in the opposite sex! Example: It would be like a puzzle where half the pieces are held by someone else.ÿ You’re going to face a lot frustration if you try to do the puzzle by yourself. Now I’m not saying that you have to get married to be complete.ÿ What I’m saying is that you can’t ignore the opposite sex.ÿ All the barriers we have errected, they have to go. Cindy says, “Paul takes this and elaborates in IÿCor.ÿ12ÿ.ÿ.ÿ. Concludes with: There’s a problem we run up against.
Problem: We only have two styles of relating
Describe the problem with examples
The problem is that when it comes to the opposite sex, we only have two ways that we relate–either romance (which includes the hunt), or not at all. Starting at about your guys’ age, the opposite sex starts to have only one purpose, someone to have a romance with.ÿ That’s all they are.ÿ They’re no longer just humans.ÿ They are “the people I have to score with.” Example: Let’s just say that ______ and _____ were over here in the corner talking afterwards for a half hour.ÿ Hey, you guys got something going?ÿ “No, we were just talking.”ÿ “Yeah!ÿ Right!” Example: I remember being caught totally off guard once in front of a bunch of people.ÿ It was in ninth grade, and this girl wanting something from me, I think it was a cigarette.ÿ I was liking this girl and wanting to get a thing with her. So, naturally, I didn’t give her a cigarette.ÿ I was toying with her.ÿ She asked, “Don’t you like me Buck?”ÿ There were all these people around, and I was like, “Well, uhÿ.ÿ.ÿ.”ÿ And she said, “No, not in that way!ÿ I mean, don’t you like me as a person?” Cindy needs to throw in an example here. So, the ideal we are trying to get accross here is just talking.ÿ Communicate with people from the opposite sex like they’re humans.
Because it’s freeing and fun, there’s a lot to learn
Cindy on: They wish that they could relate normally.ÿ All the peer pressure and expecations are ruining that desire. Example: I remember when I came around this fellowship, the only people my age were a couple of girls.ÿ So, I was kind of forced to learn how to make normal friends with women.ÿ It was great.ÿ We would hang out and talk.ÿ I learned something that I didn’t really understand before: you could talk to a person for a couple hours straight!ÿ Just talk!ÿ I found that you could sit there, on a Saturday afternoon, and instead of saying, “Lets’ goÿ.ÿ.ÿ.”ÿ You could talk about one thing after another.ÿ And it was fun!
Choose someone you would like to get to know, but not necessarily date.
Cindy continues Concludes with:
Practical steps to finding a middle ground (normal relating)
Let me just leave you with a couple practicals that will be good for our exercise.
Where do you start?
Obviously, asking questions.ÿ But what are you looking for in your questions?ÿ What kind of questions? Find something in common. This is for the bold.ÿ But most of all, it’s not for the prideful–people who are going around protecting their little egos. Example: You talk about “stuck up people”?ÿ You think to yourself, “She’s stuck up, because she’s so full of herself.”ÿ The fact is, the person who is stuck up is so scared, their ego is so fragile, that they’re afraid to take risks. It comes down to a very simple question: What matters?ÿ What other people think about me?ÿ Or what God thinks about me?ÿ And what I have to offer other people.
The second thing I can suggest is that you make someone feel like you are interested in them.ÿ How do you do that? Facial expressions, more questions, etc. The physical contact can help here too. Everyone wants to be interesting. Those two things I think are good for starters.
Exercise for afterwards:
We could get them to spend 5 minutes talking to someone of the opposite sex right there.